The passion for E30s was strong, amidst a time when money was tight but fun was much craved. Being over the age of a legal adult, the E30 was aging in some respects, not so much in the fun that it brought, but in the mechanical department, from years of potential neglect and abuse. As with all things mechanical, you usually get what you pay for. There are exceptions to the rule, however.
This particular case was definitely an exception. Sitting on the side of a busy street, parked on the side of a curb, was a lowly E30, the 325 badge adorning its faded (pink) bootlid. The meeting was all an accident, as I just happened to be at the right place at the right time. The gravitational pull of the E30 was much too strong to be resisted, as I approached it despite not being too keen on the E30 body style.
Four years later, the beast has shown its true colors. No longer a faded shade of pinkish Cinnabar but instead a bright Brilliantrot, the E30 stands confidently, parked on the side street with more than a feather in its cap. The silent growl can be heard despite the ignition boringly displaying OFF. 6 cylinders of fury lay under the bonnet, like before, only these cylinders provided much more than just belly-dancers to dance atop the bonnet, oh no. They offered full-on lap dances to tickle the members of the Trouser Department once the foot became heavily laden with weight. The scene would be the equivalent of 240 lap dancers eager to please. The menacing growl enticed the brave soul to push farther into the deep depths of 6000RPM only to have the pants ripped off at the last second for a quick surprise. But...
The fiery passion was gone almost as quickly as it had arrived. While there was the excellent quality of the indescribably smooth and intoxicating naturally-aspirated power, there were drawbacks to this crazed toy. These drawbacks were enough to draw the final line in the sand.
Yes, there was a mistress.
Found on the pages of a list made by a man most can only assume is Craig, the Imola mistress sat, looking very much lonely and sad. My heart ached in pain as I saw it sitting there, looking at me with its beastly eyes trying their best to look sulky. A few minutes later I had come to the realization of what had been done; a date has been set, and my mechanical life changed once again.
The first date was incredibly romantic, as though from the pages of a novel by your favorite romantic novellist. Her former lover was leaving her, and she was alone.
The first few months of our relationship was trying. In order to make her legal, I had to go through the immigration process known as registration, which was impossible due to the absence of a piece of paper. Unfortunately, this piece of paper was enough to make our affair less-than-legally-ideal. Eventually, another one was dreamed up by the fine folks at the Massachusetts RMV and the marriage was complete.
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The day of our first "official" date
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The way her eyes beckoned was irresistable...
We quickly bonded, forming a connection stronger than the stench of your most noxious fart lingering in your nose. That feeling still lingers.
That weekend, we shared a very special day together chasing cones through the fields of pavement, collecting flowers (weeds) and snakes all day. The magic was unimaginable.
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Unfortunately, she had cataracts in two of her eyes, and needed to go in for surgery. Through the painful process of greens flying out of my wallet and anxiously awaiting her return so I wouldn't be late for lunch, some relief finally found its way to my heart. She emerged, cataracts no more! We celebrated this immense freedom with yet more days of cone chasing in fields of everlasting love:
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Now, being a female, she was crazed with shoes. Not being made of money and her having no income proved this to be challenging, so we agreed on our first compromise; new shoes of the same kind, but with a different color. This was enough to make her happy, and if she's happy, I'm happy.
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Wobbie peeking out from behind the house
After a while, I knew I wouldn't be able to go much longer without needing to buy more shoes for her. So, as an anniversary (don't ask which one) present, I bought her precisely what she wanted, so she could do what she loves to do best.
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Wobbie being happy
Some time passed, during which time our relationship hadn't changed. We were still crazy about spending time together, and our time elapsed through dry and through the "gifts" from Old Man Winter (screw you, old man!):
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Wobbie, pissed
Christmas, a time of cheer and, according to Americans, gift giving, brought us to a point where I wanted to do something special for Wobbie. I ordered a lovely tattoo to be placed on her bum for all to see...
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... and finally some more tattoos to make her feel extra special. She felt all warm inside when these tattoos were applied, as though a child first experiencing a birthday gift.
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To this day, we stay happy with each other, working through life's daily struggles. But, like all things, this saga continues, and like all good things, there will be more...
Current list of mods/upgrades (as of 05/03/2016)
Exterior Aesthetics
- Yellow high beam bowls
- Yellow LaminX on fog light lenses
- OE euro clear lenses
- OE BMW Performance grilles
- Gominigo tow hook license plate mount
- OE E46 M3 side mirrors with OE aspherical glass
- Llumar AirBlue 80 tint
- Summer wheels: BBS CH - 18x8.5 et35 on all four corners, black BBS caps
- Track wheels: Apex ARC-8, Hyper Black - 17x8.5 et40 on all four corners
- Winter wheels: OE BMW Style 68 - 17x7.5 et47 front, 17x8.5 et50 rear - wheels used with 12mm Turner Motorsport spacers on all four corners
- Gloss black 330i badge
Interior
- Full heated Natural Brown leather interior swap with lumbar support
- Armrest delete
- Eonon GA5150 head unit with backup camera
- LCM software v4.0 with euro faceplate (auto, self leveling with front and rear fog buttons)
- LeatherZ Lit ZHP shift knob with leather boot
- E9x M-Sport perforated leather shift knob, alternate
- E46 M3 tri-stitch steering wheel
- E46 M3 oval auto-dim rearview mirror
- Low-profile USB Quickcharge 2.0 power adapter
- Extra belt buckles for Schroth QuickFit 4pt harness - harness in use when on track, driver and passenger
- OE BMW all-weather rubber floor mats
- Turner Motorsport aluminum pedals
- Custom clutch stop, made by Chad44
Lighting
- Morimoto FX-R v1.0 projector retrofit - Phillips 85122 D2S bulbs
- Weisslicht Illustro Flex H7 LED bulbs
- Weisslicht Spektrum LED fog light bulbs
- City lights - hooked up to angel harness, wired as DRLs
- eBay CREE 25W amber 1156 CANBUS turn signal bulbs, front and rear
- LEDAutomotive.com white LED bulbs for brake lights
- Unknown brand white projector LED bulbs for reverse lights
- Rear fog lights enabled
Drivability/Performance/Misc
- Conforti Shark Injector
- DTE Systems PedalBox
- GruppeM intake
- Stett Performance silicone intake boots
- Dinan throttle body
- German Auto Solutions 1,2bar expansion tank cap, black
- OE E46 M3 oil filter cap
- Headlight-washer delete reservoir
- E46 M3 motor and transmission mounts
- BMW Performance short shift kit
- AKG 95A poly differential bushings
- AKG 90A poly rear trailing arm bushings
- UUC/Corsa TSE3 stainless steel catback exhaust
- UUC Stainless steel braided brake hoses, all four corners
- Wilwood Forged Superlite 4-piston calipers, all four corners
- Street brake pads: Hawk Performance Ceramic
- Track brake pads: Front - PFC01, Rear - Hawk DTC60
- E46 M3 front and rear slotted rotors
- ATE Type 200 brake fluid
- Bilstein PSS10 B16 coilovers
- OE E46 M3 strut/shock mounts
- Summer tires: Michelin Pilot Super Sport, 255/35-18 on all four corners
- Track tires: Bridgestone Potenza RE-71R, 245/40-17 on all four corners
- Winter tires: Bridgestone Blizzak LM-32, 225/45-17 on all four corners
