Here she is:
Attachment 9478
2001 Saturn SL1 with 170K miles. 100 horsepower when new and can't get out of her own way.
Like I said, picked it up for $parts by getting it to drive. Car wouldn't crank at all and the problem had been diagnosed as bad ECU (I think Saturn calls it a PCU) by my friend's mechanic, but the cost to replace it was prohibitive at over $1K. He had a new car already and said I could have this one.
Everything I read online told me that if you think your problem is a bad ECU, it's probably really a wiring or ground issue, but I cleaned all connections and got nowhere, so I thought I'd chance it. Picked up an ECU by mail from some Saturn junkyard down in FL for $85 and new battery for $90 (car had been sitting so long that old one was completely dead). Put it together and it fired right up after going through the procedure to sync the new ECU with the security system.
Mods:
Cruise control delete (hardware is there, just does nothing. Probably due to junkyard ECU).
Check Engine Light illumination (lets me know the bulb for the CEL display is working. Also probably from ECU mismatch).
Mirror glass reinforcement (passenger side glass is glued in place, doesn't adjust)
Master key: Sometimes security system gets confused and needs battery disconnected for a bit to start. I keep an 8mm wrench in the center console for this, although I think I managed to stop it from happening by locking with key rather than remote.
I actually looked at getting the ECU reflashed to be correct for this VIN, but the tech advised that he was pretty surprised this worked at all and there was some chance it would just kill the car.
Also has four mismatched tires. Thankfully, my drive to work is super-short and I just take the wife's car if going anywhere far.