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Thread: DIY Nightmares

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    DIY Nightmares

    Hey mafiosos, I was thinking to start a thread where we can reminisce on our most horribly frustrating DIYs.

    Part of my starting this is to vent on what a B***H it was to replace my tranny cooler line and change the fluid. So here goes:
    It started out pretty easy as I unplugged both ends of the cooler line. The push release connection came off fairly easily using a pair of bent needle nose pliers. No need for that special tool. the side connecting to the tranny also popped right out. So then I tried to snake this kinked line out, but it wasn't going to happen so easily. I fought it for about 20 minutes and gave up, got my sawzall and cut the line in half from under the car. ATF was flying everywhere and I felt like I was having a slight manic episode. Finally, the old line was out. Now I had to get the new line in. I fought it again, telling myself it was possible, because some e46fanatics did it one time and said it was possible. It wasn't happening. What was meant to be a MAX 2-day project was now turning into a 3-4 day project. I did some more research and ended up lifting the engine a little bit. In the process, I learned my engine mounts need to be replaced soon. The lines seemed to have a little more room to move, but those bends and kinks would not cooperate whatsoever. I found myself wondering why I took this upon myself. Do I think I am some kind of mechanic? I literally only knew how to pump gas and change oil before this. I decided I needed to tackle the thing that was really getting in the way: the steering coupler. First I had to find out what it was, since i had no idea at the time. After finding out, and learning how to remove it, I got a second wind of energy. Too bad that coupler had never been touched and was practically welded on. I spent another couple hours fighting the coupler, turning the wheel, climbing in and out from under the car, until finally it came out. Thanks to this experience, a new steering coupler is in the future maintenance agenda. It would explain the play in my steering wheel. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when the cooling line slipped right into place and occupied the position of the old line. I was kicking myself for wasting my time jacking up the engine and trying to snake the line without removing the main obstacle. A lesson learned.

    Now with the new line in place, I left the quick connect unattached because I was planning on filling new ATF through the cooler. Next came the task of removing the tranny fill plug, which I had been fighting for months prior. I tried PB blaster, but no luck. I realized the only way I could get the proper leverage on it would be with a breaker bar. The box-wrench over a torx bit method was just not working. So I unbolted the crossmember, lowered the tranny just enough to get breaker bar in there and I felt a sense of triumph like everything was going to be OK. Wrong. I accidentally used a T-40 instead of a T-45 and completely stripped the plug. Sorrow and feeling of failure filled my life. I was on day 5 of the car being on jack stands. This was starting to put pressure on my family. So I went to home depot and got some stripped bolt extractors. My cousin came over and got that sucker out using the extractor and a pipe wrench (hes an industrial plumber).

    Next was the task of draining the tranny, removing the sump, cleaning it and replacing it with new filter and gasket. What a mess. So much. Oil. Everywhere. The sump and most of the underbelly of the car were covered in greasy caked on residue after thousands of miles of oil leaks and dirt/grime. The strongest degreaser I had could not clean the outside of the sump; I had to wash it in the sink with a metal pan sponge. That really seemed to do the trick. Getting the new filter in was a pain, as the old gasket ring was stuck in the tranny from the old filter. I had to scrape it out until I realized it was rubber surrounding a metal ring. I then bent the metal ring and was able to pull it out after a few minutes of fighting it. Getting the sump back on was easy, thankfully.

    Next, I was planning on filling the oil through the cooler; but the cooler had other plans. Every time I pumped fluid into the cooler, it just leaked profusely out the way it was coming it. After a few pumps I realized I was just wasting ATF and decided to do it the normal way. I followed the correct procedure, and finished filling after letting the car run, only to realize I did not put in as much ATF as came out (I got over 2 gallons of old ATF out, and put in just under 2 gallons). So now I have to resume the refill tomorrow morning, and hopefully that will conclude this horrible horrible project I had to endure this week. My car has been on jack stands for a week now, and I am ready to have the garage clean again and drive like a normal person. Yeah, I probably saved hundreds of dollars doing this on my own, but I think it took a toll on my health. Hopefully it's not as bad next time. What an ordeal.

    Can anyone top that?
    Last edited by papa_g; 03-28-2018 at 11:13 AM.
    ~ 2005 330ci ZHP Silbergrau | Black cube | Leather ~
    Current Mods: Akebono brake pads, Bilstein B4 Rear Shocks, Beisan Systems VANOS Rebuild, G.A.S. DISA O-ring, Morimoto fog lights, StopTech SS brake lines, Subwoofer tennis ball mod, Switchback Angel Eyes (turn signal), Zimmermann drilled rotors.
    My project thread ---> http://www.zhpmafia.com/forums/showt...into-a-reality

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
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    Cumming, Ga
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    200
    I cannot top that at the moment....although I did have a 'marish experience replacing the thermostat on my zhp. The bottom-most bolt snapped off because it had been sitting in the constant drool of coolant for so long that it was practically corroded all the way through and subsequently frozen into the block. It took 2 or 3 weeks of me spraying it with pb and attempting to grab at it with all sorts of different tools till eventually a buddy of mine with a super steady hand, a right angle air-dril, brand new drill bit and ez-out, and, proper star-alignment to get that little bitch out.

    Good to hear you have a handle on where you're at with your refill....hopefully the rest will go smoothly. All that being said, aren't you glad you did it? Aren't you feeling the fantastic feeling of accomplishment that comes with doing these projects yourself?

    BTW, I am about to pull the trigger on a new waterpump/thermostat for my e61. I will be doing that as well as the OFHGs (yes it has two)! I may be writing up a future nightmare story....keeping my fingers crossed I don't though!

    -r

  3. #3
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    Dec 2017
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    Lake Wylie, NC
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    333
    Did you get any pics of the new transmission fluid going into the cooler lines?

    Just kidding, man. What a deal. I'm sorry it was such a hard time, but glad it is behind you. I remember seeing in a DIY somewhere that they said one of the plugs was 40 torx, but it's definitely 45 for both of them, at least on our transmissions it is.

    If there is a bright spot in this, it is that you probably won't have to deal with anything else as messy and irritating as this ever again, and thank goodness the plug didn't damage the threads in the transmission case, or that would have really been a pain.

    The worst thing I ever did was dropping a valve cover bolt down into the engine when I was around 15 or 16. My poor dad ended up having to get that car towed and the engine torn down by a local mechanic. I felt like a dog for a month. That was 35 years ago.
    __________________________________________________ _____
    2005 BMW 330Ci ZHP Jet Black/Black with aluminum cube
    Bone stock at the moment

  4. #4
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    Nov 2017
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    Quote Originally Posted by oclvframe View Post
    It took 2 or 3 weeks of me spraying it with pb and attempting to grab at it with all sorts of different tools till eventually a buddy of mine with a super steady hand, a right angle air-dril, brand new drill bit and ez-out, and, proper star-alignment to get that little bitch out.

    Good to hear you have a handle on where you're at with your refill....hopefully the rest will go smoothly. All that being said, aren't you glad you did it? Aren't you feeling the fantastic feeling of accomplishment that comes with doing these projects yourself?

    BTW, I am about to pull the trigger on a new waterpump/thermostat for my e61. I will be doing that as well as the OFHGs (yes it has two)! I may be writing up a future nightmare story....keeping my fingers crossed I don't though!

    -r
    That actually sounds bad. The worst part of any nightmare DIY is the frustration and feeling of helplessness you get when things aren't working. Like that urge to admit defeat is really strong, but your ego gets in the way and makes you suffer longer lol. It does feel good to do it alone, but at the same time, I feel like this is just how it has to be because I made myself a promise that I would not pay labor on maintaining this car if I can help it. Good luck on the next project! sounds involved, but fun!
    Quote Originally Posted by SaltyNC View Post
    Did you get any pics of the new transmission fluid going into the cooler lines?

    Just kidding, man. What a deal. I'm sorry it was such a hard time, but glad it is behind you. I remember seeing in a DIY somewhere that they said one of the plugs was 40 torx, but it's definitely 45 for both of them, at least on our transmissions it is.

    If there is a bright spot in this, it is that you probably won't have to deal with anything else as messy and irritating as this ever again, and thank goodness the plug didn't damage the threads in the transmission case, or that would have really been a pain.

    The worst thing I ever did was dropping a valve cover bolt down into the engine when I was around 15 or 16. My poor dad ended up having to get that car towed and the engine torn down by a local mechanic. I felt like a dog for a month. That was 35 years ago.
    I actually did get some pics! I will post on my build thread when I get a chance. Yeah I was also amazed how clean and untouched the threads looked. I was expecting them to be corroded with possibly some thread lock on them, but nope. Look like they came straight out of the factory. Yep, both definitely T-45.
    That SUCKS about dropping that bolt. I woulda felt like crap too. Good thing my dad never worked on engines lol the only car lesson I got from him was changing a flat tire.
    ~ 2005 330ci ZHP Silbergrau | Black cube | Leather ~
    Current Mods: Akebono brake pads, Bilstein B4 Rear Shocks, Beisan Systems VANOS Rebuild, G.A.S. DISA O-ring, Morimoto fog lights, StopTech SS brake lines, Subwoofer tennis ball mod, Switchback Angel Eyes (turn signal), Zimmermann drilled rotors.
    My project thread ---> http://www.zhpmafia.com/forums/showt...into-a-reality

  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Jacksonville, Florida
    Posts
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    Can we just link my build thread? I don't think I've ever had to work on my car without swearing or breaking something.
    2005 Jet Black 6MT ZHP "Family First"
    ~Rob~

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
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    Seattle
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    hahaha how about post your most aggravating DIY in the most dramatic fashion you can muster.
    ~ 2005 330ci ZHP Silbergrau | Black cube | Leather ~
    Current Mods: Akebono brake pads, Bilstein B4 Rear Shocks, Beisan Systems VANOS Rebuild, G.A.S. DISA O-ring, Morimoto fog lights, StopTech SS brake lines, Subwoofer tennis ball mod, Switchback Angel Eyes (turn signal), Zimmermann drilled rotors.
    My project thread ---> http://www.zhpmafia.com/forums/showt...into-a-reality

  7. #7
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    Feb 2014
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    Kitchener, ON
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    great thread. i have a few stories, but all i can think of is nate's gear oil. paging nate...
    peter

    2004 330i ZHP
    2005 330iT ZHP
    2010 328iT M Sport

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newjack View Post
    Can we just link my build thread? I don't think I've ever had to work on my car without swearing or breaking something.
    I echo that! This thread was a great idea! I don't have anything approaching the nightmare above, but I did have a HELLUVA time with a strut. The damned thing wouldn't come out of the pinch clamp, so I used the screw to spread it open and managed to deform it just enough to prevent the pinch screw holes from lining up. I had to go buy the biggest, baddest C-clamp in central Vermont to squeeze it back together enough to get the screw in (even damaging the C-clamp in the process due to the force necessary). After that ordeal, I was so wiped out, I got careless and neglected to put the dust cover on, so I had to entirely disassemble the strut again and reinstall. I'm sure you can imagine the stream of expletives that poured out of my mouth at that point... On the plus side, I'm really good at changing struts now.
    Last edited by Reasoned1; 04-05-2018 at 05:21 PM.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Location
    Seattle
    Posts
    672
    Aw man that sucks... I hate when I forget to put a part back in after a job. Most recently i forgot to put the pulley covers back on after reassembling the fan and airbox. Not as bad as your situation, but I had to take the fan back out and those mechanical fans are always annoying for me.
    ~ 2005 330ci ZHP Silbergrau | Black cube | Leather ~
    Current Mods: Akebono brake pads, Bilstein B4 Rear Shocks, Beisan Systems VANOS Rebuild, G.A.S. DISA O-ring, Morimoto fog lights, StopTech SS brake lines, Subwoofer tennis ball mod, Switchback Angel Eyes (turn signal), Zimmermann drilled rotors.
    My project thread ---> http://www.zhpmafia.com/forums/showt...into-a-reality

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Charleston SC
    Posts
    6,149
    Autozone.com
    I had an F250 with a cracked exhaust manifold. Had to take the fender liner out to get to it. Every single bolt broke off. Some of them were flush with the head. I drilled and tried an extractor but I was afraid it was going to break off. The extractor is hardened so if it breaks you might as well throw the head away because there aint no drilling that out....
    Long story short, I had to use my oxy/acetylene torch to heat up the head right next to the broken bolts and use the extractor to turn out the broken stud all the while trying not to melt the head in the process. I think there were 8 on each side.Got them all out then discovered the surface of the head where the exhaust manifold bolted on was so corroded that it wouldn't seal. (Ford exhaust manifolds have a machined surface, no gasket) so I had to go to the parts store and try to find a gasket that worked. Found one, got it back together and sold that bastard as fast as I could. Tore my meniscus in my knee from kneeling under the fender for so long and had to have surgery a few years later to fix it. That was one of many horror stories with that truck like the time I was getting ready to go plowing and discovered that the whole brake line to the rear brakes was rotted out. Had to replace from front to back making all of the kooky bends with one of those hand held brake line benders. I hated that truck.

    Then there was the time I offered to replace the brakes and rotors on my sister's Ford Expedition. Little did I know that the front rotors are notorious for seizing on the hub. My biggest, baddest sledge hammer would not budge it... even with heat. I had to cut it off with my torch but as you know cast iron doesn't cut very well with a torch. Took me two days to get the rotors off...

    I have about 40 years of mechanical experience, full of easy jobs and horror stories... brilliant thinking and stupid mistakes... all part of mechanics... which leads to to one of my favorite quotes, which I've posted before : "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it"
    Dinan CAI &Throttle body, ESS Tuning TS2, Bimmerbrakes gen3 headers, UUC SSK & DSSR. Achilles oil pump, VAC oil pan baffle
    M3 Motor mounts, UUC Trans mounts, Modified clutch style LSD 3.15, TMS front subframe reinforcement, Koni Yellow sports,
    H&R sport springs,
    UUC sway bars, BMW Perf. Rotors, UUC SS brake lines, Hawk HPS pads, CSL replica wheels,
    Rotora strut bar, FXR HID conversion, M3 Mirror conversion, BSW stage 1 speakers

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