Ok, so momentary freak out calmed by a quick Google search. I need a new alternator.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIpihqpROtg

1.) My interior lights were flickering while engine was at idle
2.) I started the car 4 separate times and let it run for 20 seconds or so. 4th time it almost didn't start
3.) The expansion tank was pushed into the alternator with enough force to break open the tank and spill fluid all over the alternator.
4.) There is absolutely no vacuum leaks and everything is plugged in as it should be
5.) No CEL and no relevant SES

Back to the parts store tomorrow. Needed to pick up a few pop rivets and fasteners anyways.