Setting:
6pm. My driveway. Wife's wagon is in the garage, red car pulled right up behind it. Hood open. Like 9 billion degrees.

Characters:
ZHPizza, 704sw, Viktor (the dirty Russian valve core)

Scene:
I get home from work [enter ZHPizza] with like half an hour before the wife and I have to leave for a show. We're walking to the theater, so being sweaty isn't a problem, but being filthy is. I can not get dirty. Spenser shows up [enter 704sw] to swap some parts/stories from my trip while I'm using the small time window to tighten the valve core [enter Viktor] and recharge the system so that I can drive to work with A/C the next day. Easy peasy, right?

I get my custom built, recently calibrated torque driver specific for valve cores that I grabbed from work and go to snug Viktor up...dang...Viktor is a thicc boi and the tool doesn't fit. No big deal, I've been in this situation before and can adapt. I grab my smallest set of needle nose pliers and man, they fit in there perfectly. Wrap those bad boys around Viktor and...crap...Viktor is already tight...well...maybe he can handle a little more torque since he's all thicc like...lean on the pliers a bit and...all good! Viktor is looking a little unhappy about the ordeal (red flag #1), but he's still in one piece and no longer leaking >> victory!

At this point I've got like 10 minutes before I need to leave. No problem. Just gotta dump a can of refrigerant into the system, change clothes, and roll out. Well, as it turns out, Viktor's pissed. I go to connect the charge tube to the service port and it pops right back off (red flag #2). Weird. Must have kicked back due to the lock ring on the connector. I pull the ring back and go to slide it over the port and it still won't sit down all the way (red flag #3). Weird. Must be the pressure of the system pushing back on the connection (it's not). It just needs some coercing (it doesn't). I set the connector in place with one hand and give it a firm slap with the other BOOOOOOOM

Y'all know in the movies when there's a police chase and they run over a fire hydrant and it just blasts water like 50ft in the air? That's what my car looked like. But instead of water, it's bright green oil. Fun.

This shit sprays straight out into the kidney grill, which diverts the shower in the specific direction of every-fucking-where [exit Viktor].

I panic and smash the charge tube connector over the service port. I've stopped the flow, but now I'm the little boy standing there with his finger plugging the hole in the dam. I'm trapped.

Good thing my soon-to-be-very-close friend Spenser is still around! He's finishing up a phone call back behind the car and is unaware of my predicament. I wait patiently for him to be free and give him a quick update on the situation, followed by a request for assistance: "please find a pair of safety glasses...ok and a nitrile glove....ok....now....uh....put them on me..."

[end scene]

Conclusion:
I got the cap for the service port back on without spraying too much more shit allover the place. The wife came down as I was cleaning neon green oil off of her car to let me know that we were 15 minutes late. I wiped most of the oil off of my face and went to the show.

Overall, it was a wonderful opportunity for growth in our friendship. I think I breathed in his mouth while he was putting the glasses on my face, and there was a special moment where he was sliding the glove over my oil soaked hand that...well...it's hard to describe.

Fun times in Pizza's garage.